I was told today that I have everything that one of my friends wants. Friends. Being invited to things.
This is nice and all, but it's not like it was handed to me.

I know what it's like to be hated, believe it or not. I know what it's like to be looked down on because I'm different.

I'm sentimental, a crybaby, and gulliable. I'm an artist, a nerd, not sporty and not interested in sex or drugs or alcohol.
I can admit that.
I gravitated towards the other weird people in my school. The Gays, the Wheelchairbound, the Goths, and so on. There wasn't many of us... about.... six of us inlcuding me. But we were close. Unlike all the 'opular people' who hated us, I think, for being so close. So clever. So talented. So different.

When my family moved interstate, I left the few friends I had behind. And for the two years I was there..... I hated it!! I had no friends that were anywhere as close as my school friends had been. No one wanted to do things out side of work or school (I was going to TAFE for my childcare cert) So all I had to do was go home and fight with my parents over the internet. I was LONELY.

When I made up my mind to move out of home and back to where my friends were, I didn't just talk about it. There was talk for a little while, but then I started looking for work. Looking for somewhere to move into. I went and DID it. I found a job. I found a place to live (there was a little hitch there, but, we worked it out eventually). I packed up my things and I drove from Queensland to the ACT (Two day drive, first long road trip, 19 year old car). I started work. I moved into my own house.
Pay my own bills. Buy my own groceries. If I need something, I have to go and get it.

Of course, my friends have spread out a bit since I had left. I only see a few of my old ones anymore. But, the ones I do still see, have helped me make new ones. Told me about a RolePlaying club in our area. I joined. Now I have lots of friends who love the same stuff I do. Those friends told me about a Theater Group in my area. I joined. More friends with like interests!

I don't get invited to as much stuff as I'd like to be, because I live a long way away and people don't think of me often because they don't think I'd wanna drive all the way from out here. Or, they're doing something that they know I won't enjoy.

But I still get lonely.

Other people have pets, family, roommates/housemates, or whatever to keep them company. I live alone. Totally and 100% alone. Not even a PET (because my landlord said no). So, I get LONELY. And it's hard! If you're sick, or hurt (sprained ankle, thankyou so very) You have no one to help you AT ALL. I mean hell, friday night I couldn't WALK, so I couldn't get food from one place to the other. I had to stand on one foot in the kitchen to eat, otherwise spill it EVERYWHERE. And I certainly can't clean with a dodged up foot. And, I have to go to the doctors for a follow up visit tomorrow, and I certainly won't be able to drive there. So, I've got to call someone and HOPE someone's not doing anything on monday so they can come all the way out here to pick me up, take me to the doctors, then wait around till they have to take me home.

So no, my life ain't this perfect, wonderful paradise.

I don't want people to think it is.

I know some people have it harder, and some people are jealous, but NONE of the things I have in my life were given to me. I have a home of my own, a car, a job, friends, and a social life, because I have got out there and MADE IT HAPPEN.

No one will get friends just sitting on their asses saying WOE IS ME.

This may sound harsh, but I'm in a fucking lousy mood.

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On a side note, I got my x rays from my foot. No fracture or dislocation, so, just a sprain. I should be right.