I was told today that I have everything that one of my friends wants. Friends. Being invited to things.
This is nice and all, but it's not like it was handed to me.

I know what it's like to be hated, believe it or not. I know what it's like to be looked down on because I'm different.

I'm sentimental, a crybaby, and gulliable. I'm an artist, a nerd, not sporty and not interested in sex or drugs or alcohol.
I can admit that.
I gravitated towards the other weird people in my school. The Gays, the Wheelchairbound, the Goths, and so on. There wasn't many of us... about.... six of us inlcuding me. But we were close. Unlike all the 'opular people' who hated us, I think, for being so close. So clever. So talented. So different.

When my family moved interstate, I left the few friends I had behind. And for the two years I was there..... I hated it!! I had no friends that were anywhere as close as my school friends had been. No one wanted to do things out side of work or school (I was going to TAFE for my childcare cert) So all I had to do was go home and fight with my parents over the internet. I was LONELY.

When I made up my mind to move out of home and back to where my friends were, I didn't just talk about it. There was talk for a little while, but then I started looking for work. Looking for somewhere to move into. I went and DID it. I found a job. I found a place to live (there was a little hitch there, but, we worked it out eventually). I packed up my things and I drove from Queensland to the ACT (Two day drive, first long road trip, 19 year old car). I started work. I moved into my own house.
Pay my own bills. Buy my own groceries. If I need something, I have to go and get it.

Of course, my friends have spread out a bit since I had left. I only see a few of my old ones anymore. But, the ones I do still see, have helped me make new ones. Told me about a RolePlaying club in our area. I joined. Now I have lots of friends who love the same stuff I do. Those friends told me about a Theater Group in my area. I joined. More friends with like interests!

I don't get invited to as much stuff as I'd like to be, because I live a long way away and people don't think of me often because they don't think I'd wanna drive all the way from out here. Or, they're doing something that they know I won't enjoy.

But I still get lonely.

Other people have pets, family, roommates/housemates, or whatever to keep them company. I live alone. Totally and 100% alone. Not even a PET (because my landlord said no). So, I get LONELY. And it's hard! If you're sick, or hurt (sprained ankle, thankyou so very) You have no one to help you AT ALL. I mean hell, friday night I couldn't WALK, so I couldn't get food from one place to the other. I had to stand on one foot in the kitchen to eat, otherwise spill it EVERYWHERE. And I certainly can't clean with a dodged up foot. And, I have to go to the doctors for a follow up visit tomorrow, and I certainly won't be able to drive there. So, I've got to call someone and HOPE someone's not doing anything on monday so they can come all the way out here to pick me up, take me to the doctors, then wait around till they have to take me home.

So no, my life ain't this perfect, wonderful paradise.

I don't want people to think it is.

I know some people have it harder, and some people are jealous, but NONE of the things I have in my life were given to me. I have a home of my own, a car, a job, friends, and a social life, because I have got out there and MADE IT HAPPEN.

No one will get friends just sitting on their asses saying WOE IS ME.

This may sound harsh, but I'm in a fucking lousy mood.

-------------------------

On a side note, I got my x rays from my foot. No fracture or dislocation, so, just a sprain. I should be right.

Yup, it is official, this week sucks huge balls.

At stupid o'clock on monday morning, one of my best friends goes to hospital. Turns out that he needs an operation on his spine. Yay. NOT.

Tuesday, he goes to have said operation. I'm well aware of the things that could go wrong.

Wednesday, he's okay, but still can't move his legs at all.

Thursday, he managed to wiggle a little!!

Friday, I step in a hole and twist my fucking ankle.

Still waiting on xrays to make certain that it's just a sprain and not a break, and if I managed to break my foot or something from stepping in a hole, I am going to be so fucking pissed off.


There is, however, a light side to this most shit of weeks.

My friend is on the road to recovery, even if he's going to be in hospital for a while.

And me? Because I hurt myself at work, I don't have to pay for it. Freaking sweet.
Just as well, the xray alone was over $100 to have done... >>' (and I get a four day weekend. Thankyou public holiday on a tuesday!)

Hoever I'm hind of in pain now. ><

Shannon: moji...
my heart feels funny


Mojira: ?


Shannon: I couldn't get it to calm down


Mojira: Is it racing?


Shannon: yeh
has ben since last night


Mojira: Hang on.
I know what that is
I live with it
[link]


Shannon: it's sort of half calmish now, but, still faster than it should be
feels like I have a rock in my stomach


Mojira: Yeah. I have that.
Honestly with tachycardia, and any scientist that doesn't have it, wouldn't know
But if you have tachycardia, don't try to sleep. It causes you anxioty. Axioty makes your heart race more, or harder.
If it keeps you up, get up.
Do something to distract yourself even if you're as tired as crap
I'd know. >>''
Breathe slowly
EAT SOMETHING


Shannon: blergh.... I dun wanna..... I feel like I'm gunna be sick already....


Mojira: Ohlol
My lovely cousin, it'll actually make it better


Shannon: blergh...


Mojira: I have a heart defect. I have tachycardia EVERY DAY


Shannon: I have some bananas.... I'll eat a banana
*whimper*
oh NOW what's wrong with me!? where are tese tears coming from!?
*headdesk*


Mojira: o.o
*hug*


Shannon: *hug*
The most common type of tachycardia is sinus tachycardia, which is the body's normal reaction to stress, including fever, dehydration, or blood loss (shock).
Maybe I'm stressed...


Mojira: Over what?


Shannon: well...
I didn't say to you last night because you were already upset, but..
I'm scared I'm gunna lose my driver's lisence


Mojira: D:


Shannon: that's why it took so long for me to go to bed last night; my dad was trying to reassure me


Mojira: Why would you lose it?


Shannon: I dunno if you have them in the US but here, the police set up these vans on the side of the road every now and then with speed radar things in them


Mojira: Oh yeah
It's common


Shannon: We were going to the new resteraunt, and I was following a friend there because I didn't know the way
I was focusing on his car so as not to get lost
it was an 80 zone
he was a fair distance ahead of me, so, I guess I sped up so as not to lose him.
I saw him brake, looked around to see why, then saw one of the vans
I breaked automatically and looked at my speedometer, and it was dropping from between 85 and 90
if I get charged for speeding again, I'll lose my lisence... because I'm only a provisional driver, I have less demerit points to lose....
I lost three that first time (that was a manned one and I was pulled over)
Once more would get me another four because they upped the penalty
whuch would bring me to seven
which*


Mojira: Aw Whispers.


Shannon: seven is the max I can lose before I lose ly right to drive
my*
*sob* I thought I was over it when I went to bed!!
Apparently not!


Mojira: Whispers, don't worry too much. If you worry, you'll stress yourself out more. <3


Shannon: Yeh, I know... but I can't help it
I don't know what I'll do without my lisence... and to lose it now....


Mojira: I wish I could be there for you. ; n ;


Shannon: I can get my full lisence in febuary!!
If I lose it, I can't!

-------------------

This sums it up nicely. ; n ;

OMG MY COUSIN IS COMING TO VISIT MEEEEEEEEEE!!! I'm so excited!!! , my cousin from the US, is coming to visit me near christmas!!

**EXPLODES!**

Well, the first Chapter of Fateful Future is nearly complete! Only another.... three or four pages to go!

Once that's done, I'm gunna complete some other projects I have laying around....

- CAMARILLA TAROT
- MOwear
- Request: 'Jealousy' Comic
- Start on xmas gifties
- GORUwear
- CAMmerch